So, new years comes along, and most people make resolutions, I being one of them. Maybe I should say that I used to be one of them. Why should I depend on a date to make changes that I know I should be doing already? I resolve to not make resolutions on New Years for sake of the date, but to do the things I should be doing regardless of the time of year it is. I resolve to not beat myself up if I lose my way on my quest.
I suppose that is all any of us can truly ask for. I would also like to take this time to officially announce my divorce from winter. Seriously, this coldness is draining me. I don't want to do anything when it gets this bad, Don't get me wrong, if I have to do something I do it, but if I don't HAVE to, I find a way to talk myself out of it.
So all day today and last night, I have been on a Foo Fighter kick, and realize that the song "Best of You" always makes me cry. I'm a tad disturbed by this fact. While I know I'm pretty strong, and alot of times I don't want to show my weaknesses to anyone, more and more lately, they are showing through whether I like it or not. I'm finding myself to be hurt easier, things are getting to me more, that normally wouldn't bother me. I'm becoming more sensitive. I HATE this. I want to blame all of this on the weather, on the cold, on the fact that I'm not outside more (like I am when the weather is nicer).
I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, that is something that has never changed, but it seems more exposed, maybe more threatened now. Maybe I'm hormonal, who knows. I'm spilling my heart out to a publicly viewed blog, so I may as well let it rip. Each and every one of you are my confessors, forgive me for my sins, will ya?
Do you ever go through the day looking for the significance in everything? Wondering what the reasoning behind everything is, I have been. Sometimes I just want to stop thinking. I need to pour this energy back into composing like I used to. Maybe I will. EH, I could podcast too, but when you're not feeling all high energy, like I have been feeling, the last thing I want to do is put a mic infront of my face and play nice.
Christ, is this what Emo kids go through? Lately, lol, I've been exceptionally girlie feeling.
I'm too old to be an emo kid, and I don't feel like listening to MCR right now. (another guilty pleasure band)
Honestly, all I want, is to be held, my hair to be stroked, be kissed on my forehead, and to be told, "Don't worry baby, everything is going to be great"
I was to weak to give in, too strong to lose. My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Her Name is Foxy.....
About 4 years ago, my moms friend showed up with this box, a bigger box, cardboard, some holes poked in it. and the top was closed on it.
I came home, right when this box was dropped off, and it was sitting in my living room, all of a sudden the top of the box popped open, and appeared was the cutest little black faced and otherwise brown in color, with one little white spot on her muzzle with soft floppy ears.
It was the CUTEST puppy I ever saw in my life. I immediately picked her up, and held her on my chest, and the little thing, who couldnt have weighed more than 7 pounds, fell asleep on my chest.
I sat down on my couch with this little pup in my arms, and we both just fell asleep.
My mom was going to give her to an elderly neighbor who lived across the alley from us, so she had companionship. This lady was so sweet, and so alone, and even though my mom and myself took turns visiting with her, so she had some company every now and again, we wanted her to have a constant. Something she could take care of.
The pup was a sheppard/lab mix. Heavy on the sheppard. She followed me around no matter where I walked, wagging her tail, that formed into a perfect question mark.
I begged to keep the pup for myself, but all of my begging and pleading was for not. The pup went to the ladys house.
At least I could still go visit her, right?
The first week went by, and I was still a little upset that I couldnt keep this cutest puppy ever for myself. I went to check on the woman, and the dog, and seemed that she had began to call the dog bubba.
I was not pleased with this name. This was a cute little girl pup, not a BUBBA.
Week 2 went by, and it seemed that the pup still followed me everywhere when I went to visit, but really wasnt listening to the lady, I couldnt put my finger on it, but I sensed something was wrong.
It was in the third week, we got a call, "can you come take the dog back, I cant seem to take care of her"
Personally I believe the lady's son who never ever visited but to bring her groceries once a week, made her give it back.
It was then, I was allowed to get my pup, the little brown/black dog, that had a face like a fox. I called her Foxy Brown.
She was a mischevious lil pup. Within the first month of me having her, she chewed through my keyboard wire, my powersupply wire for my mac tower, and killed any toy we got for her. BUT on the positive side, she housetrained quickly and happily. My dog NEVER messes in the house.
She would often take something that doesnt belong to her, to make us chase her. Anything to play, she LOVES to fetch, and wrestle, and play.
and when shes done, all 65 pounds of her hops up onto your lap, and lays there.
She loves attention, she LOVES love, and is very protective of me, and her rawhides. DO NOT even think about reaching for her bone, she will nip at ya.
Today, I was getting ready for work, and the morning was pretty normal. Foxy went outside, ran in the yard, we played a little bit. I was about to leave for the day, wrapped up in my coat, scarves and earmuffs, with my backpack on my back, and I reached down, saying bye bye pup, and that was when she lunged at me. grabbing me in the left hand. I saw stars. I immediately went to my kitchen putting on the cold water to wash out the bite area. and I thought, oh she punctured me, I was bleeding pretty good. I didnt want to be late for work, and it really wasnt hurting so I wrapped it up in tissue, put my glove over it and went on my way.
I caught my train, and on the train I was curious, so I took my glove off and saw that the tissues that I was holding on my hand where i was bit was SOAKED with blood, it was then i really discovered, that it was not a small puncture wound, it was about an inch long rip, and it was deep.
I went to the ER, they checked me out, and I actually had to file a report with the police, since it was a dog bite, and yes even though it was my own dog, I still had to.
Oh yeah, my hand hurts now, but things should be ok.
I promptly took fox to the vet today after work, and they had to by law, do a "rabies observation" even though she is up to date with all of her shots. SO the dog is on doggie house arrest for the next 10 days, which isnt that bad. I take her back for her final evaluation in 10 days, and then hopefully this nightmare will be behind us.
NOW... onto finding a good dog trainer I can work with personally!!!
Foxy is fine, I am fine, and things will be ALOT better!!
I came home, right when this box was dropped off, and it was sitting in my living room, all of a sudden the top of the box popped open, and appeared was the cutest little black faced and otherwise brown in color, with one little white spot on her muzzle with soft floppy ears.
It was the CUTEST puppy I ever saw in my life. I immediately picked her up, and held her on my chest, and the little thing, who couldnt have weighed more than 7 pounds, fell asleep on my chest.
I sat down on my couch with this little pup in my arms, and we both just fell asleep.
My mom was going to give her to an elderly neighbor who lived across the alley from us, so she had companionship. This lady was so sweet, and so alone, and even though my mom and myself took turns visiting with her, so she had some company every now and again, we wanted her to have a constant. Something she could take care of.
The pup was a sheppard/lab mix. Heavy on the sheppard. She followed me around no matter where I walked, wagging her tail, that formed into a perfect question mark.
I begged to keep the pup for myself, but all of my begging and pleading was for not. The pup went to the ladys house.
At least I could still go visit her, right?
The first week went by, and I was still a little upset that I couldnt keep this cutest puppy ever for myself. I went to check on the woman, and the dog, and seemed that she had began to call the dog bubba.
I was not pleased with this name. This was a cute little girl pup, not a BUBBA.
Week 2 went by, and it seemed that the pup still followed me everywhere when I went to visit, but really wasnt listening to the lady, I couldnt put my finger on it, but I sensed something was wrong.
It was in the third week, we got a call, "can you come take the dog back, I cant seem to take care of her"
Personally I believe the lady's son who never ever visited but to bring her groceries once a week, made her give it back.
It was then, I was allowed to get my pup, the little brown/black dog, that had a face like a fox. I called her Foxy Brown.
She was a mischevious lil pup. Within the first month of me having her, she chewed through my keyboard wire, my powersupply wire for my mac tower, and killed any toy we got for her. BUT on the positive side, she housetrained quickly and happily. My dog NEVER messes in the house.
She would often take something that doesnt belong to her, to make us chase her. Anything to play, she LOVES to fetch, and wrestle, and play.
and when shes done, all 65 pounds of her hops up onto your lap, and lays there.
She loves attention, she LOVES love, and is very protective of me, and her rawhides. DO NOT even think about reaching for her bone, she will nip at ya.
Today, I was getting ready for work, and the morning was pretty normal. Foxy went outside, ran in the yard, we played a little bit. I was about to leave for the day, wrapped up in my coat, scarves and earmuffs, with my backpack on my back, and I reached down, saying bye bye pup, and that was when she lunged at me. grabbing me in the left hand. I saw stars. I immediately went to my kitchen putting on the cold water to wash out the bite area. and I thought, oh she punctured me, I was bleeding pretty good. I didnt want to be late for work, and it really wasnt hurting so I wrapped it up in tissue, put my glove over it and went on my way.
I caught my train, and on the train I was curious, so I took my glove off and saw that the tissues that I was holding on my hand where i was bit was SOAKED with blood, it was then i really discovered, that it was not a small puncture wound, it was about an inch long rip, and it was deep.
I went to the ER, they checked me out, and I actually had to file a report with the police, since it was a dog bite, and yes even though it was my own dog, I still had to.
Oh yeah, my hand hurts now, but things should be ok.
I promptly took fox to the vet today after work, and they had to by law, do a "rabies observation" even though she is up to date with all of her shots. SO the dog is on doggie house arrest for the next 10 days, which isnt that bad. I take her back for her final evaluation in 10 days, and then hopefully this nightmare will be behind us.
NOW... onto finding a good dog trainer I can work with personally!!!
Foxy is fine, I am fine, and things will be ALOT better!!
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